I Wish...

...That life was easy. I wish that we had a magic wand to solve the problems in our lives instead of having to deal with these problems head on.

Unfortunately life isn't like that. It's nothing even close to being like that. Sometimes I feel as though life is a test and that if I receive a failing grade that I am going to be punished in one way or another. Today was no different. If I had to give myself a grade for today's test, I'd give myself a D. Why you may ask? Because I had about 5 separate panic/anxiety attacks but still somehow accomplished what needed to be accomplished today.

One of my online friends (you know who you are) made a list of what bothers her about what some of her friends tend to do. One of the things on the list was being distant lately. I'm paraphrasing here as I do not remember exactly what it said. Well I am definitely one of those people. I've been distant at work and at home all because of this stupid anxiety about moving.

It is yet another test. Will I be able to pass this test or will I fail it? Personally I hope I pass it. I am pretty sure I can and that I will...it's preparing for this test that is making things rather hard. I feel like I'm taking the ACT's again. Ick. I hated that test.

Anyway this is probably getting really boring so I'm just going to stop now. Have a nice evening.

-Lisa

Life...

I don't know about you but these past couple of weeks (hell, the whole month has been like this) have been the worst weeks of my life so far.

I am moving, as you probably know, into an apartment come October 28th (or the weekend after...it depends on how much we get moved). Well this is supposed to be an exciting event right? Ha. Try the most stressful thing I have ever dealt with. And I thought studying for one of the biggest tests of my life in high school was stressful. It is nothing compared to this.

Now for some people, this is easy; it is really exciting and they just WANT to and are READY to get out of their parents' house and move on with life. I'm ready to move and trust me, I do want to, but I'm not like other people. Stress isn't something that I deal with very well. I have never dealt with it very well. This stress has caused me to have countless panic and anxiety attacks (the fact that I am bipolar doesn't help) and I have withdrawn from things I really like doing.

My Mom, however, saw right through me...I'm not very good at hiding my anxiety or depression...she suggested that I go see a therapist or social worker. I complied; I mean what is the harm with going to see someone and spill your guts to them? I saw a social worker for half my life when I lived in IL...well I had been seeing one since I was about 7 to age 14; then we decided that she just wasn't helping so I stopped seeing her. I wasn't really seeing anyone about my anxiety (BAD move on my part). I would occasionally see my psychiatrist...this man, however, did not help in the least.

To make a long story short (too late), I finally found the PERFECT social worker. She was the best thing that had happened! I saw Joanne for 9 years. I saw her right up until we moved to Nashville. Since then, I have been seeing a psychiatrist for my medication. But I have not been going to a social worker. This is something that I should have done right when we moved. But hey, it's never too late to start. So tomorrow I am seeing a social worker. I only hope that I can build up the same kind of trust that I did with Joanne and that I will be able to tell her anything and everything that is going on.

All right this is pretty boring....if you're reading this, thanks for 'listening.' So if anyone was wondering why I have been so distant lately, the above paragraphs have the answer.

-Lisa

A 'Wicked' Weekend

Well as you can probably tell from both the title of this entry and of the above picture, I saw the incredible musical Wicked this weekend. Even though I have listened to the CD about 600 times before, seeing it live was so much better! Trust me, it's a great show and a great backstory to the witches of Oz. We really get an 'inside' look at what Glinda and Elphaba (A.K.A. the Wicked Witch of the West) were like when they were younger.

Now where, you may ask (or not) did I see the show? Chicago! My parents and I were invited to my baby cousin's 1st birthday and we decided to go. I was lucky enough to get the day off work -- I had asked about a month ago and my director said no since another teacher was going to be out, but I then found out that she (the teacher) was not in fact going to be taking the day off so I asked again...and thankfully my director said yes!

So we drove the 5 hours and 3 minutes (at least that's what my dad said about how long the trip took) from Dayton to Chicago. It wasn't the most exciting car ride, but I did get my parents (my mom likes it already) to listen to Wicked. My dad even liked it! And he is not a huge musical fan. We even listened to the first act of RENT (OBC soundtrack)! They liked that too.

Anyway on to Friday night. Incredible is all I can really say to describe the show. My Grandma somehow got me a seat in the 6th row (main floor), just left of center in the Orchestra section! I had one of the best views of the stage! Oh if only pictures were allowed. Unfortunately they're not. But take my word for it; I had a great time.

I also met my brother's girlfriend Shawn. She is my age (literally...she's 2 days younger than me!) and also a HUGE musical fan. So we hit it off right away. She and my brother are so cute together.

See what I mean? I took some other pictures from my cousin's party...which was a lot of fun by the way. I'll put a couple of the pictures I really liked here.

Oh and when we got home we had about 3 hours of freedom until we had to get dressed up and go to Temple for Erev Yom Kippur. And on Monday we were pretty much in Temple all day. I was SO TIRED afterwards! Not to mention rather hungry (I'm technically supposed to fast on Yom Kippur). Luckily our Temple had a "Break-the-Fast" dinner-like arrangement in the main hall of the Synagogue which was nice.

Anyway that's about it for me! Bye!

-Lisa